More strategies aren’t the answer
If you’ve made the same new year’s resolutions more than once and didn’t follow through, you’re not alone. If you’ve been facing the same obstacles for a long time and you feel stuck, don’t be hard on yourself. Thinking that all you need to grow is good strategies and willpower is overly simplistic and flat out wrong!
Here is why. Consciously or not, the mind always seeks congruence. The way you perceive yourself, and the stories you tell yourself about what you are or are not capable of doing determine your choices and actions. When you tell yourself you are not good at something, your behavior will be congruent with your belief. For example, if you tell yourself you are not good at paying attention to details or remembering people’s names, that will continue to be true. Your beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies.
So, before you can learn new skills, start implementing new strategies, or create new habits, you have to change how you see yourself. This is fundamental when it comes to leadership development. What you think you are and are not will stop you from growing into a more effective and influential leader.
Create your new professional identity
What would you like to change? Perhaps you’d like to be more confident, more inspirational, more assertive, more organized, more creative, more proactive, or better at building rapport and motivating people. Take a moment to imagine a new version of yourself, one that exhibits the behaviors you wish to adopt. Make this new vision of your future self as clear and detailed as possible.
Imagine how your work and your life will transform once you become that new version of yourself. Imagine how you will feel once you become this “upgraded” version of yourself. Get excited because this is within your reach!
Now ask yourself, in order to be this amazing leader…
What would you have to believe?
What would guide your decisions?
What would you have to do?
What would you stop doing?
Stop acting as your old self, burdened by old limitations (real or imagined), and start acting like your future self.
Here is an example
Let’s imagine that you are an emerging leader, full of ambition, but lacking confidence because you compare yourself to senior leaders who are far more experienced than you are. Your respect for senior leaders and your humility make you feel inferior. Your limited experience make you doubt yourself. Let’s be honest; if you made a new year’s resolution to take the lead on a sensitive initiative and courageously make decisions that may be unpopular, would you follow-through? No, you couldn’t.
Before changing your behavior, you would have to change your identity from inexperienced to highly capable. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have twenty years of experience in higher ed. leadership. Pay attention to what you do have and decide who you are becoming. You might say “I am a young leader, full of potential, eager to learn, devoted to serving at the highest level, willing to work hard and do my best. I am smart, resourceful and caring. I feel a strong sense of purpose in my work and I have the courage to step outside my comfort zone.”
What would you have to believe? That you are worthy of your role, you can – and will – succeed, you have enough experience, if you need some help you’ll know where to find it, people respect you, etc. [insert what is relevant for you]. Basically, the idea is for you to realize you are ready!
What would guide your decisions? Instead of making decisions based on avoiding responsibility for fear of being wrong, you would decide what is appropriate for each situation, without questioning yourself.
What would you have to do? You would have to commit to doing your best and be willing to forgive yourself if you make a mistake. You would set goals and action steps and keep yourself accountable (or get a coach who will).
What would you stop doing? You would have to stop deferring to other people when a tough decision has to be made, stop seeking validation and approval, stop being self-critical, and stop focusing on skills and experience you lack. Instead of keeping yourself small by clinging to old limitations, you would act like the leader you wish to become.
Bottom line
You must see yourself as capable of succeeding before you implement changes, follow-through and master new competencies. Otherwise, fear and self-doubt will create self-sabotage because you need congruence. So, change your identity, change the story you tell yourself, and start acting as this new person you’re becoming.
If you want to find your voice and become more assertive, start by seeing yourself as someone who has important contributions to make.
If you want to get better at time management, stop saying you’re struggling to keep up with your workload and start seeing yourself as a calm, organized, and mindful person who prioritizes and keeps promises.
If you want to give more inspirational talks, stop saying you are terrible at public speaking. Remember that you are the best person to talk about your area of expertise.
Please pay attention to the things you say about yourself. If you catch yourself saying “I am really bad at paying attention” or “I am always late” or “I am a procrastinator” or “I have imposter syndrome” or anything along these lines, STOP! Whatever you say will become true so choose wisely!
I invite you to click here to schedule a complimentary call with me and discuss how we can team up to define your new professional identity and help you become an even better version of yourself. Talk to you soon!
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.