What creates stress
It’s interesting that we call situations “stressful” when in fact, it’s not the situations, but how we react to them that creates stress. A particular situation can be highly stressful to one person and easy and comfortable to another. We feel stress when we want things to happen a certain way and don’t trust that they will.
In higher ed., you may be stressed when your workload is excessive and you’re afraid you won’t have enough time, or when your supervisor is critical and you’re afraid of making a mistake, or when you have to meet with an under-performing employee and their union rep. and you’re not sure how things will turn out. We experience stress when things feel out of control.
How to reduce stress
The first step to reducing stress is to recognize that we create it within ourselves based on our thoughts, beliefs, and habits, and that we can change. In this article, I am offering you three powerful strategies to choose from. If you decide to apply all three, the way you feel at work will be forever transformed.
Strategy 1: Choose to be less controlling
As years pass and we become more experienced in administration, it’s natural to develop preferences and have opinions about the best way to do things. Knowing what allows you to be effective and productive is a good thing but expecting everyone else to believe what you believe is a sure way to get frustrated. This is a common problem for people who praise themselves for being perfectionists, or people who have difficulty trusting others, or people who worry too much about what can go wrong.
When you feel stressed about something that doesn’t meet your expectations, step back and ask yourself is it’s genuinely an absolute necessity, or if you are attached to something you don’t really need. Realize that when you believe something must meet your expectations, you give it the power to control your emotional well-being. So, let’s keep things in perspective. If a critical error might be made in budgeting, or data reporting, or class scheduling, then yes, by all means, get involved and prevent it. But if you are bothered by little things that are inconsequential and quite subjective to be honest, let them go! Let people be who they are and do things the way they want to, when you don’t need to step in.
Trying to control everything and having personal rules about what should or should not happen will ensure that your stress level remains high. If even when all important things are in order you still get rattled because you don’t like something that someone said in a meeting and you keep talking about it and get even more enraged, well… please understand that you are doing this to yourself. If you see yourself attached to being right when there is a disagreement, please realize that your ego is getting in the way of your wellness.
Action step: Observe your expectations and attachments. Start differentiating what is significant enough that you should try to control it, versus what you need to learn to accept. Becoming more flexible and more tolerant will not only benefit your mental health but it will improve your professional relationships.
Strategy 2: Take full responsibility for the things you can control
While you can’t control other people, you are in control of yourself, so take full responsibility for your own decisions and actions. If you feel stressed about a deadline and you procrastinate until the last minute, the issue isn’t the deadline but the way you managed your time. If you are worried about something intimidating you have to do, make time to prepare, get guidance, learn, and rise to the occasion. Making excuses, lacking self-discipline, blaming others, or engaging in self-pity is not allowed!
It comes down to one simple thing: if you fail to plan and are reactive rather than proactive, you will under-perform, and things will feel out of control. However, if you become proactive, plan ahead, and do what you need to do to create the best possible outcomes, your stress level will drop, and your work performance will skyrocket. And this is 100% up to you! If you are determined to take full responsibility but unsure how to proceed, consider working with a coach. Contact me and I’ll make the process easy for you.
Action step: Start planning! Identify your priorities, create timelines and deadlines, ask yourself what you’ll need to do to succeed, and follow-through! No more excuses!
Strategy 3: Control your attention and focus
Again, you can’t control what happens outside of you, but you are the person in charge of your own mind. If you allow your mind to focus on what you lack, what isn’t fair, what you fear, what you don’t like about other people’s behavior, and so on, you will be under a tremendous amount of stress. You might think you don’t ruminate but the truth is that we all tend to think the same thoughts day after day, and focus on the same things, so if you want to change how you feel, you have to shift your focus.
Instead of focusing on unpleasant thoughts that make you feel victimized or unsafe, make a decision to focus on pleasant and peaceful thoughts. Develop a daily habit to feel gratitude for good things in your life and in this world. Notice I wrote “feel” not “think”. If you make a mental list of things to be grateful for, but the exercise is purely intellectual, without emotions, it won’t bring value. Get out of your head and into your heart.
Action step: Shift your focus away from the things that stress you out. Get out of your head. If you think you can’t stop thinking about your problem, choose to imagine the best-case scenario instead of what could go wrong. Let yourself dream, be inspired, have new ideas and become more creative. Feed your mind thoughts that will make you feel empowered and enthusiastic about the future.
Bottom line
So, you see, what determines your stress level is control. To feel better, stop trying to control things that aren’t really your business. Do control what is your responsibility to do. And do control where your mind goes. It may seem hard but it’s a matter of breaking old habits. It will take a strong commitment, self-awareness, and self-discipline, but it will be worth it! I invite you to click here to schedule a complimentary call with me and discuss how we can work together.
There is one exception, though. If your stress level is so high that you experience panic attacks, shortness of breath, accelerated heart rate, dizziness, or any other signs that your nervous system is over-stimulated, I believe you need to get your stress hormones back in balance before you can use the strategies above. Choose a healing modality that is right for you, western or eastern, and make your wellness your top priority. Try meditation, mindfulness, massages, spending time in nature, doing things you find soothing, spending time with your loved ones or pets, and focusing on feeling safe. It wouldn’t be realistic to try harder to do better when you’re living in survival. Be gentle with yourself.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.