When to be concise
Are you a talker? In meetings, I always find it interesting to observe how much people talk, and how valuable their contributions are to the discussions. It seems people talk a lot, or about the right amount, or very little, based on their habits or personality rather than what the situation requires. Many higher ed. leaders indulge because words (unlike money) are free, so they don’t put themselves on a budget. But… there is a hidden cost.
If you talk too much during a job interview, you’ll share more details than the recruiters or hiring committee members can possibly remember, and you’ll run out of time.
If you talk too much in meetings, people are likely to tune you out if it takes you too long to get to your point. And the meeting may finish late, throwing off everyone’s schedule, or it will have to be adjourned before it’s completed.
If you talk too much when you meet with your staff, they may be unclear about your priorities and give their attention to the wrong things.
If you talk too much when you meet with your supervisor, they may feel you are too repetitive or don’t respect their time.
If you exceed the time you were given for a presentation, it will hurt your image and some people may have to walk out before you’re finished presenting.
Obviously, on some occasions it’s best to be less uptight about the time spent and focus on making genuine connections with people, or brainstorming ideas when a new creative solution is needed, or when there is a situation that requires more empathy and kindness. But generally, being mindful of your communication and learning to be concise is a good skill to develop.
What causes people to ramble
Clients often ask me to help them be more concise, and the first step is to identify why they use so many words instead of going straight to the point. Here are common reasons:
Thinking out loud instead of gathering their thoughts first, not being sure yet what point they will be trying to make.
Thinking that adding more details about the history, background, semi-related events etc. will make their point more powerful, when in fact, listeners will get lost in the details and are likely to miss the main point entirely.
Being nervous can make people less able to be clear and eloquent.
Being bored when other people talk can make someone want to dominate the discussion to get to the answer more quickly.
Having difficulty simplifying a complex issue will also make someone over-think and over-talk as they try to thoroughly explain a multi-faceted issue.
Being afraid of being misunderstood, or accidentally offending someone can also cause individuals to add extraneous explanations, disclaimers, and clarifiers.
Some people get easily distracted and follow their somewhat random stream of consciousness, which can make them forget what they were trying to say originally.
In summary, most reasons come either from fear (e.g., being misunderstood) or lack of preparation (e.g., thinking out loud). Another common cause is when people love to engage in conversations and don’t like feeling isolated at their desk because they need more social interaction. They may prolong discussions because they enjoy them more than the other tasks they have to complete.
What about you?
Read the list above again and ask yourself what could be true for you. Do you indulge in lengthy conversations because of your extroverted nature, which then causes you to run out of time to finish your work? Do you speak up in executive meetings before you’ve had a chance to think through the argument you wish to make? Do you struggle to be direct because you have a compulsive need to add details hoping that you will be better understood?
Please remember that what really counts isn’t what you say but what is being received by the audience. Have you ever attended a presentation given by someone who had tons of data presented in small font charts and tables that you couldn’t read, making it difficult to understand the basic trends? Or someone who describes so many details that don’t seem related to the main point of the story that you gave up trying to understand, and grabbed your phone to check your messages? The same phenomenon happens in everyday conversations too.
What will you do differently?
Once you understand what causes you to talk too much, you can address the core issues and realize that talking a lot does not create the results you seek. You will be able to design new strategies and develop new habits to meet your goals in a more effective (and more concise!) manner. If becoming self-aware and committing to changing old habits isn’t enough to help you become more concise, you need to consider working with a coach. I invite you to click here and schedule a complimentary call with me to discuss how we can work together. I will help you get to the root of the problem (perhaps you needed more attention in your childhood and the need for attention is still controlling your life, or maybe it’s the fear of being misunderstood that causes you to justify and defend things that aren’t necessary). I look forward to speaking with you soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, confidence, executive presence, effectiveness reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.