Excuses vs. legitimate reasons
I must start with a confession. Hearing people make excuses instead of taking responsibility for their choices and actions makes me cringe. Seeing people play the victim when their challenges are self-created and simple solutions to their problems are available, annoys me. So, if you are frustrated with some of your employees or coworkers’ behaviors and tend to ignore them, I won’t blame you. I’ll understand. To some extent, we’ve all been there. But today, I want to offer a different perspective and help find resolution to chronic issues.
What caused me tremendous frustration in the past was assuming that people knew when they had a valid reason to break a commitment or when they were making excuses. I was wrong. Most people who make excuses have no idea that’s what they are doing. They sincerely believe things went wrong but there was no fault of their own. Things happen. That’s life. And they want their bosses and coworkers to be understanding. If you don’t agree, they will accuse you of lacking compassion. In their mind, you are the problem. You are the heartless jerk. Ouch!
Understanding the difference
When employees miss a deadline, make mistakes that would be easy to prevent, or fail to follow-through on any type of commitment, they may feel a need to apologize for disappointing you, all the while believing they did their best. Your job is to help them connect the dots and understand there are better ways to handle problems. Work with them to answer the following three questions for each issue, until they understand the process well enough to do it on their own. They also have to understand that an apology is worthless if not followed by changed behavior.
How could this have been prevented?
What reasonable measures will we take from now on to make sure this doesn’t happen again?
If we can’t prevent it, what can be done for damage control?
Example: An employee makes mistakes in most of their work products.
#1: Understand the cause. Is the issue lack of time, skill, attention to detail, or perhaps were your expectations not communicated clearly enough? Get to the root of the problem to know what to do to prevent it from happening again.
#2: Reasonable measures may include better time management practices, clearer priorities, more reasonable deadlines, a checklist to follow to verify quality and accuracy, having someone else proofread the work, or explaining what is expected and defining what a quality product looks like.
#3: If the employee realizes they won’t have adequate time to do quality work or if they may not have the data they need to display accurate information, it’s their responsibility to alert you immediately to give you a chance to problem solve before the deadline.
As long as there are possible answers to questions 1, 2, and 3, breaking a commitment is not acceptable. It’s only when nothing could have been done (reasonably) to prevent the problem that the reason can be accepted as valid.
For example, if you ask me to come to your campus to provide in-person training and you are in Southern California, there would be no excuse for me to be late because of traffic. Traffic is to be expected. But if you are in a different state and your airport is temporarily closed because of the weather, you would agree to reschedule. It would not be reasonable to expect me to fly to destinations several days early just in case airports are closed. We have to prevent foreseeable issues, but we can’t control everything.
Make the process part of your culture
Don’t single out your one or two employees who are particularly problematic. Make the reasoning and the three questions above part of your process and your culture. People will get used to it just like they got used to your other processes. Most of your employees will love it because it will encourage people to take ownership of their work products which will reduce delays, errors, bottlenecks, and frustrations.
But remember, you have to lead by example, so you have to be willing to take full responsibility for your actions and decisions too! It would be delusional to expect people to step up and take responsibility if their leader lets them down. So, please think twice before you make commitments and always follow-through.
Success depends on your leadership abilities
I’m not going to lie to you. While most of your employees will love the change, the most resistant ones will dig their heels. Instead of working with you to find good answers to the three questions, they will advocate for the problems and use their creativity to show you why they can’t succeed instead of how they can. They may try to overwhelm you with negativity to make you stop trying to change their behavior. If that fails, they are likely to deflect and find a way to make the issue your fault. Don’t fall into that trap. If you let them make you doubt yourself, get defensive, and feel like you have to justify yourself, you have officially been manipulated!
The key to success here is to stay focused on the 3-question process and remind people that the goal of the exercise is to identify solutions. When someone says something inappropriate, don’t be afraid to interrupt and redirect. Remember who is supposed to be leading this meeting. You’re in charge. Don’t get in the passenger seat then complain about the direction you’re headed. Stay in the driver seat.
It’s essential that you take full responsibility for how you interact with your direct reports. If you let someone toy with you, I agree that their behavior is reprehensible, but you are allowing it. Stay strong. Stay courageous. Be consistent. And you’re going to effect positive change.
It’s worth it
Even in the worst-case scenario, if your difficult employees don’t get better, you will have done your best instead of looking away, which everyone will notice and appreciate. It will be good for your self-worth, your reputation, and for employee morale. Employees who resist the process will most likely look for employment elsewhere if you disrupt their comfort. And if you have to speak with HR about firing them, you’ll be able to show how hard you’ve worked at helping them succeed and how they chronically failed to meet expectations. No matter how things turn out, it’s better to own every part of your job than bury your head in the sand, don’t you think?
The good news is you don’t have to do this alone. I invite you to click here to schedule a complimentary call with me and discuss how we can work together on employee performance, motivation, engagement, culture change, and/or leadership development. Let’s do it!
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.