Self-confidence 101
Are some people naturally more confident than others? Yes, of course! However, confidence can be enhanced by any higher ed. leader who is genuinely committed to succeeding. Most personal and professional development coaches will tell you that to become more confident, you need to set goals, commit to specific actions or tasks, and follow-through no matter what. No excuses. Do what you said you were going to do and your confidence in yourself will grow. I agree. Once you prove that you can trust yourself to follow-through on your commitments, you will have more confidence. You will have demonstrated that you are capable, therefore, the insecurities relating to that particular goal will progressively vanish. But… it’s easier said than done. People who have struggled with self-confidence for years or even decades, need to face the complexity of this challenge.
What’s the benefit?
Anytime we are feeling stuck in an area of our lives and can’t seem to make progress, it’s inevitably because there is a benefit to keeping the same problem. For example, for some higher ed. professionals, lacking confidence is a highly effective way to avoid all kinds of risks (e.g., making mistakes, speaking up in uncomfortable situations, keeping people accountable, avoiding rejection by not applying for a new job, not trying new ways of getting work done, not having to take on intimidating challenges, etc.). So, if you are in an executive position or looking to get promoted but you believe you lack confidence, be brutally honest with yourself and ponder how this insecurity is serving you. Please understand you won’t be able to transform something about yourself if you believe that very thing is serving you and keeping you safe. Skillful inquiry will show you why you’ve been holding yourself back and how to stop. I can help you with that.
Feeling inferior or superior
Leaders who self-identity as lacking confidence are generally very humble and have a strong distaste for people they see as arrogant. But in reality, feeling superior or inferior are two sides of the same coin: comparison. Leaders who are authentically confident aren’t confident because they analyzed and overcame every single insecurity, or because they are showered with praise and validation all day long. Confident people are those who focus on service, or on their mission, and spend very little time and energy asking themselves how they compare with other leaders. They channel their energy into doing outstanding work, without suffering from the enormous energy drain that insecurities can create. They are open to constructive criticism and feedback, and they measure the results they create, but they don’t waste time and energy putting themselves through a microscope on a daily basis.
Simple steps to gain self-confidence
As indicated above, the first step is to identify what you gain by indulging in self-doubt and self-criticism. Once you are able to see why what your mind does what it does, you can start making powerful changes.
Secondly, I will tell you what you’ve already heard from every coach, speaker, trainer, or podcaster, but probably don’t implement daily which is “remember your WHY”. To disrupt your habits and make significant changes in anything, you need to keep reminding yourself why you want those changes, and why they are worth the effort. So, put a post-it note on your bathroom mirror, or your computer monitor, or wherever you look every morning, but the point is to keep reminding yourself and having a clear intention and unwavering commitment every day.
Next, strategically decide what you need to start doing or stop doing, commit to your plan, and keep yourself accountable (or hire a coach to make sure you won’t let yourself down, or create a plan that isn’t likely to succeed).
Finally, acknowledge your follow-through, measure the progress you’re making, and change your narrative about who you think you are. You can now build a new identity as someone who is confident and successful.
Letting go of past hurt
You may experience painful memories resurfacing such as a parent saying in an accusatory tone “Who do you think you are?” or a former supervisor telling you “Stay in your lane and I don’t want to hear you speak in meetings with our top leadership.” Sadly, many people had a healthy level of confidence but that positive attribute was beaten out of them by adults who lacked emotional intelligence. It’s difficult to engage in any behavior if we’ve been repeatedly punished for it in the past. In that case, it’s important to understand that what happened in the past is no longer happening and, in most cases, won’t happen again. It’s safe to let these things go. It’s not easy but it’s your responsibility to free yourself from past negative experiences (I can help you with that too).
Confidence and influence
Being influential is multi-faceted and this characteristic deserves its own blog but let me assure you that it starts with confidence. Think about it: When someone regularly expresses self-doubt, shies away from difficult conversations, avoids making difficult decisions, or needs constant validation… do you trust them? Do you see them as a leader? Do you want to follow them? Of course not! We trust leaders who can make us feel like we are in good hands. They don’t pretend to know everything, but we trust them to be courageous, strategic, honest, and able to handle uncertainty. These are the people who are truly influential. So, if you want to have more influence on your campus, make sure to start by improving your self-confidence before you tackle more advanced skills.
If you are genuinely committed to growing into the best leader you can be, I invite you to click here and schedule a complimentary call with me to discuss who I can provide the insights, inquiry, structure, encouragement, and accountability to help you succeed. I look forward to speaking with you soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, confidence, executive presence, effectiveness reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.