Goal setting
Leaders don’t just go with the flow. They set intentions and goals. They develop strategies for success. However, none of us have a frame of reference for what to do during a global pandemic. We don’t have any experience with this, and we have no way of predicting when the situation will improve. What should you do? How can you prevent having regrets in the future by doing your best now?
If you allow me to rant for a minute, I will tell you that I am annoyed to see so many people either say that you “should” (1) use this time to do something big like starting a business, writing a book, or getting in the best shape of your life, or (2) be so overwhelmed by grief and fear that you “shouldn’t” try to accomplish anything. Why is the advice so black and white?
Side-effects of a dualistic perspective
Administrators who see the stay-at-home order as an opportunity to have more time to pursue big goals and completely ignore the psychological effect of living through a global pandemic are in denial. There is a lot to process, for all of us, and choosing to look the other way seems unhealthy.
On the opposite end of the spectrum are administrators who watch the news for hours every day and experience a debilitating amount of fear. They think about the worst things that can happen and start grieving losses that haven’t even occurred. What they are experiencing right now resembles what they would live through war, except that they are in the comfort of their homes, with a fully stocked refrigerator, lots of books, and Netflix.
You see how both opposites are unhealthy and are products of what people choose to focus on. You may have noticed that speaking with people who are in either extreme will cause you to re-think your perspective and to some extent, lean in the direction they have taken. Please don’t let this happen to you.
Finding balance
There is no reason to fall into one category or the other. You can choose to watch the news in moderation to be informed without letting it scare you. You can process what is happening and feel some sense of loss and grief without spiraling down into helplessness and hopelessness. You can be aware of the present circumstances and allow yourself to daydream about better days to come, when we will be able to socialize safely again and resume activities that add meaning to our lives. You can develop a daily practice to feel grateful for what you have now and get excited about the future.
Regarding goals, you don’t have to accomplish something enormous to be happy with your use of time. Only YOU know what is appropriate for yourself. Maybe you don’t have to write a book, but you could journal and fall in love with writing, without any pressure. Maybe you don’t have to get in the best shape of your life, but you could decide not to succumb to emotional eating and to continue to get moderate amounts of exercise. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Remember that it’s not a competition and there is no reason to compare yourself to others. Just be mindful of your thoughts and choices to avoid either being too hard on yourself or becoming complacent.
What is right for you?
I encourage you to imagine your life a couple of months from now and ask yourself what transformation you would like to experience. One thing we can all agree on, is that this is a difficult time for everyone (except perhaps those who act as productivity robots and dismiss their own feelings). It’s a perfect time to slow down, get quiet, reflect, meditate and gain new insights. Some people will discover that they can’t stop thinking and thinking has become an addiction. They will understand that not knowing how to relax and stop analyzing problems is not a sign of intelligence, or courage, or dedication, but a problem they need to address.
More often than not, what is uncomfortable is what we need most. Now may be a good time to look at what you’ve been avoiding for a long time and become more self-aware. It’s not about making efforts but about being honest with yourself. Maybe instead of accomplishing more of what’s familiar, now is the time to give some attention to what you’ve been neglecting. But please do so with no judgment and no force, only awareness and self-compassion.
Allow others to have their own experience
Once you’ve gained clarity on what is right for you, please do not try to convince others to follow your lead. Remember that personal decisions are an individual choice, now more than ever. Don’t talk people out of accomplishing something extraordinary if it makes them happy. Don’t shame those who are paralyzed in fear. Work on yourself and on how you can best support your loved ones and your team members. Keep an open mind.
Ultimately, it’s not what people do but why they do it that matters. If starting a business will make someone feel empowered and hopeful, by all means, let them! If deciding to go with the flow and not set goals at all helps someone eliminate pressure, fear, and anxiety, let them. Keep reminding yourself that your opinion doesn’t matter. We all have different ways to cope and it’s ok.
And don’t let people bully you into thinking that your choices are wrong. They probably mean well and try to motivate you, but they don’t know what’s right for you. I’m laughing as I am typing these words because I am advising you to ignore advice, which is still giving advice, but you’re free to ignore it!
Alright, that’s enough for today. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d like to talk. I wish you good health, success, much love, and serenity. Don’t push yourself too hard. Connect with yourself and honor your feelings. Take care.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.