Note: Linda is a fictional character based on dozens of coaching clients going through similar challenges.
Linda’s conundrum
“Audrey, how can I better support my staff during COVID? They have been stressed and fearful for months, and things got worse during the elections. They are tired of not knowing what to expect, tired of changes we keep making at the university to adapt to changing circumstances, and I don’t know what more I can do to help them feel better. I have shown great empathy, taken time to listen, been accepting and forgiving when they couldn’t meet our normal standards, but… it’s been eight months. We can’t continue this way.”
What worked for Linda
“Linda, how would you describe the way I have been supporting you these past few months? Think specifically about what is different between our meetings and the meetings you have with your staff.”
“That’s a good question. Let me think… Well, our meetings always have an agenda and specific outcomes so we don’t spend any time complaining about what’s happening nationwide or what we fear might happen. We focus on what I can do as a leader to keep myself sane and strong, and do my job to the best of my abilities. I always feel better after we talk because you help me see what is within my control and what I can do to make progress and serve others. I think the hardest part for me is when all I can do is wait, like last week, waiting anxiously for the election results, but you always help me find ways to be proactive and engaged, and that’s what has helped me the most this year. Oh, and there is something else… you always tell me to take responsibility for what I have the power to create, so I have been eating whole foods, no sugar, and I’ve been working out at home. I lost weight and gained muscle and I love the way my body feels. I know you’re not a fitness coach and that wasn’t one of our coaching goals, but it’s the shift in mindset that allowed me to make healthier choices. I feel like I’m rambling… did I answer your question?”
“You did! You know how to stay strong during a pandemic. Instead of joining the mass hysteria and being obsessed with fearing the unknown, you’ve learned to redirect your focus. You’ve been taking full responsibility for your decisions and actions. Even though 2020 was an exceptionally challenging year, you have an impressive list of accomplishments.”
Supporting her staff
“Yes, but I can’t tell people to stop being anxious and focus on the work. I don’t want to sound insensitive and cold. I want them to feel safe talking to me.”
“Linda, do you think I am insensitive and cold?”
“Noooo! Absolutely not! I know you care a lot. I don’t feel dismissed or unsafe speaking with you. When we talk, I don’t complain about the virus, or politics, or the unknown because our coaching sessions are a breath of fresh air! You allow me to take a break from all the craziness. It feels good to speak with someone who is calm and encouraging. You bring a sense of normalcy to a very abnormal time.”
“Thank you. What stops you from doing the same thing for your team?”
“I never thought about it this way... Our culture is to talk about everything, helpful or not, and let people express themselves without restrictions. It’s important for me to show empathy and deep caring but… I’ve been allowing unhelpful conversations for months, and something has to change. You’re giving me a lot to think about… Maybe it’s time to switch gear and focus on empowerment and regaining emotional strength.”
Insights for you to consider
Can you relate to Linda? Are your staff members tired and anxious because of current events and massive disruptions in every aspects of their lives? While it’s important to show you have a heart and great compassion, it’s also your role as leader to help people help themselves. It’s been eight months. That’s a very long time to feel in limbo and to be unwell. It’s time to adapt and regain strength. We simply cannot wait for life to get easy in order to function at a high level again.
Think about what Linda said. Coaching sessions were a breath of fresh air because we were taking a break from fear and complaining, and instead we were making progress on important goals and solving problems created by the pandemic. She didn’t need me to create a space for her to explore her fears and doubts. She wanted strength and empowerment. That makes sense because I am an Executive Coach and not a mental health professional. You are not a psychiatrist either! You are a higher ed. leader. Your staff members need you to lead, inspire, motivate, and help them feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment in their work, now more than ever. Working from home can be isolating and more difficult than being on campus. Employees need to feel part of something significant and have a sense of belonging. They need to feel that they are in good hands and they can trust their supervisor to make good decisions and to lead with strength and caring.
Leading by example
How are you doing? I mean, really, how are you really doing? Do you have anxiety? Do you feel overwhelmed? Leading a campus from home, meeting on zoom, constantly adapting to change, and having an enormous workload isn’t easy for anyone. But you have a choice. You can let yourself feel down because you have reasons to feel down. Or like Linda, you can choose to take full responsibility for what is within your control. It’s hard. I know it’s hard, especially when you are surrounded by people who are struggling, or when you feel isolated. And that’s why if you’re ever going to work with a coach, now is the time to do it.
If you want to inspire your team members, you need to be inspirational. If you want them to feel peace and have a positive attitude, you have to embody peace and positivity. Making statements about what to believe and what to do is pointless. Your staff aren’t likely to succeed where you don’t. Lead by example. Regain your strength, calm, clarity, and empowerment, and most of them will follow.
Let me help you. I have two powerful solutions to offer you: executive coaching to guide you through every step and/or zoom training for you and your team to facilitate positive change. Let’s talk. Click here to schedule a complimentary call with me and discuss how we can work together to transform your own journey and empower your team to do their best work and feel better than they have in months.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.