Is Perfection a good goal?
Anyone who was raised by care takers who were critical risks becoming a perfectionist. Seeking perfection appears to be a good strategy to avoid criticism and to feel successful. But perfection is often subjective, or a moving target, or unattainable. When I was younger, I used to seek perfection and was rewarded for it as a student and in my career. I received a lot of praise for my high standards and dependability. I was proud of my constant efforts and initiative because they led to exceptional outcomes. But one day, someone I looked up to said “Perfection is the worst standard to have.” My jaw dropped. It didn’t make any sense. How could perfection be bad?
Blind spots
As a recovering perfectionist myself, I often attract clients who are hard on themselves and seek perfection. Some of them know that their compulsion is costing them a lot because they work too hard, they feel guilty when anything goes wrong, and cringe at the thought of having to apologize if they ever make a mistake. Perfectionism seems like a good strategy to avoid unpleasant consequences, but it creates issues that perfectionists often don’t grasp.
Here are some examples to ponder:
Perfectionists tend to despise the phrase “good enough is good enough” so they spend more time and effort than necessary on pretty much everything!
The extra time spent trying to make something perfect rarely shows a good return on the investment of time and effort.
That time and effort are no longer available for other important tasks or projects that are neglected or even overlooked.
Perfectionists may have difficulty trusting that others will meet their standards, so they may be tempted to micromanage and get in the weeds too much. They often unintentionally create bottlenecks and can inadvertently stifle their staff’s creativity.
Because of their extraordinarily high standards, they can be intimidating, which can hurt professional relationships. At times, they may also be critical of others.
Since they take full responsibility for their actions, they may at times lack empathy for co-workers who do not have the same strengths, abilities, or values.
They may appear rigid and uncompromising.
Perfectionists put a lot of undue pressure on themselves; they tend to be stressed and can be easily triggered. Behaviors such as entitlement, complacency, or laziness can make them frustrated or even furious.
They risk wasting time and energy being upset about the fact that not everyone is like them and acts like them.
Because their minds are focused on perfection, they tend to notice what is wrong instead of what is right. It is difficult for them to relax and practice daily gratitude.
It is more difficult for perfectionists to be happy or content with a situation than it is for people who have more reasonable expectations and standards. Their quality of life can suffer.
I could go on and on, but you get my point. Seeking perfection is a sure way to mismanage time, emotions, and staff. It is a difficult pill to swallow. The concept of changing standards from perfection to excellence may feel like being less ambitious but it is a sign of tremendous personal growth and self-awareness.
How to break old habits
Here are some things to consider to start changing habits. Read them and simply choose one or two to implement until they become second nature. Then you can tackle a couple more.
Seek feedback from your supervisor, co-workers, employees, or customers to identify things you do for them that, from their perspective, don’t add value to them. You’ll be surprised when you realize how much you do that isn’t appreciated or even noticed.
Ask them what they need from you, and you may discover that you need to reprioritize to focus on what matters most.
Set new goals that reflect excellence, not perfection.
Decide in advance how much time you should spend on any task and don’t exceed it. Stick to your time allocation like you would stick to a budget.
Look for areas where you can let go of rigidity and become flexible. Where can you lower stress and pressure?
If you focus more on projects and outcomes than people, please ask yourself what you can do to prioritize professional relationships, motivate employees, retain high performers, and pay more attention to your team’s emotional needs.
Pay attention to your communication. You might be too harsh or too direct at times. Softening your interactions with others can help build trust and create a more pleasant work environment.
If you find yourself anxious about something, listen to what the anxiety is trying to tell you. It has a profound message. You may fear your own judgement, or punishment from someone else, or being disappointed in yourself, or disappointing someone else. Or maybe your self-worth and self-esteem are too closely tied to your achievements, and you think a mistake would hurt your sense of identity. Listen. Then ask yourself “Is this true?” You will realize it is not true. If you meet 99% of your goals, the remaining 1% does not negate the 99%. You are worthy. You do enough. You are enough.
Probably the hardest thing of all for perfectionists is to learn self-compassion! Appreciate how much you have done and give yourself some praise. Remember that you are human and it wouldn’t be fair to hold yourself to impossible standards. Be willing to forgive yourself if something doesn’t unfold as you wanted. Life happens. We can’t control everything.
If until today you found pride in being a perfectionist, I hope reading this blog gives you more perspective. Changing our identity and changing habits is not easy, but leadership requires constant personal and professional growth. Don’t make yourself wrong for anything you’ve done in the past, but ask yourself if you want to continue, or bring more balance into your life. It would be my pleasure to work with you to expand your viewpoint and help you find more freedom from your mind that may at times be a tyrant. If you would like to speak with me about how we can work together, please click here to schedule a complimentary call. I look forward to meeting with you soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, confidence, executive presence, effectiveness, reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.