Note: Karl is a fictional character based on patterns often observed in higher education. Clients’ personal stories are always kept strictly confidential.
Our first phone call
“Hi, Audrey. I need you to help me navigate a toxic work environment, filled with tension and politics. Our President plays favorites and keeps making poor decisions, especially when it comes to promoting employees.
Hi, Karl. Can you please give me some examples to help me understand what you’re dealing with, especially what makes you call the environment toxic?
Sure. It’s toxic because the President only listens to what his favorite managers have to say. He doesn’t ask for my input and when I make suggestions, he dismisses them. As a result, poor decisions were made regarding class offering this fall, we’re not doing nearly enough in diversity, equity, and inclusion, and employee morale is low. I don’t agree with how the college is run. I do my best to help the leadership team what’s wrong, but I am not seeing any progress. Things keep getting worse and I’m exhausted. Maybe it’s time to leave and get a job where I will be appreciated.”
The real issue
Karl labelled his work environment toxic because he felt stifled and under-appreciated but didn’t show any evidence of toxicity. There was no manipulation, lies, hostility, anger, negativity, shaming, bullying, or anything else that would make this college more toxic than any other. The issue was that Karl intended to contribute at a high level but was perceived as a complainer, someone highly critical who always points out problems and is difficult to work with. The harder he tried to be heard, the less credibility he had.
His heart was in the right place, but his criticism was experienced by others as an impediment to success. He also made people think he was impossible to please, so they stopped trying many years ago. He thought of himself as highly collaborative, but others didn’t share that opinion. Karl was so consumed by injustice he saw all around him that he blamed others for his problems and couldn’t see how his situation was the natural result of his behavior.
New strategy
The first thing we worked on was for Karl to learn to listen to others, with a genuine desire to understand their perspective, instead of just waiting for his opportunity to respond. He could not be understood by continuing his old habit of making people wrong. He had to give what he wanted to receive – respect, attention, open-mindedness and understanding – before he could change the dynamics with his coworkers. Karl needed to change how he made people feel so that they wouldn’t try to avoid him anymore. Step by step, people started to feel safer in his presence and once the tension dissipated, other managers became receptive to his ideas.
The second thing was to abandon the habit of feeling victimized and jealous when others succeeded in ways that he didn’t. Instead of getting angry thinking about how those who had been promoted weren’t good enough, I asked him to think about what he could learn from what had happened. If these managers were appreciated by the President, surely, they had qualities that the President valued. I helped him understand what traits would get him noticed and appreciated too. He didn’t have to change the essence of who he was, but only to be more intentional about the way he acted and was perceived.
What this means for you
It’s possible that just like Karl, your intentions are pure and your dedication is admirable but your efforts are not well received. If you feel you lack influence on your campus, before blaming the people who don’t listen to you, ask yourself what you can do to change the situation.
Perhaps you need to learn effective communication techniques or maybe you need to do some personal development to free yourself from criticism and disempowerment. Obviously, it’s possible that some people may be biased against you and not give you a fair chance, but please don’t focus on that. Feeling victimized will discourage you and prevent you from thinking of creative solutions to your problems. Instead, take full responsibility for your actions and your attitude, so that you control what is indeed under your control. Don’t waste time and energy on what you can’t control.
Let’s do this together
Let’s be honest, identifying blind spots, changing perspectives, and finding solutions to problems you have had for a long time is unlikely to be accomplished alone. You need someone with expertise, compassion, and experience to guide you through the process of personal transformation. Imagine how it would feel to have someone on your side, who has your back, who pulls you out of your current situation and keeps you motivated every step of the way. Imagine freeing yourself from old habits and no longer being triggered by events that are painful now. Imagine the new you… Are you smiling yet? Click here to schedule a complimentary call with me and we’ll discuss how we can team up. 2020 has been a year of disruption. Let’s disrupt what limits you and build empowerment and success. Let’s talk soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.