Normalizing discomfort that shouldn’t be accepted
You may have witnessed someone who had “golden handcuffs” meaning that they were not happy at their job but were making too much money to leave. They had discomfort in their circumstances, but comfort in their compensation, so they felt stuck.
The same concept applies to decisions much smaller than quitting a job. For example, you may have an underperforming employee who causes you discomfort, but somehow, ignoring the situation seems more comfortable than keeping them accountable, development a performance improvement plan, and having to deal with many unpleasant conversations (with them and with HR) in the process.
Another common example is having fallen into the habit of putting out fires all day (many of which could have been prevented with better planning and better communication) and being reactive. Having to deal with so much urgency seems unbearable to me, but to many, it’s more comfortable than having to prioritize, rethink their organizational habits, and become proactive and self-disciplined.
I could give you dozens of examples about how higher ed. leaders have normalized the discomfort they experience, but it’s not painful enough to force them to change. They are stuck in a narrative of powerlessness or blatant avoidance.
The real meaning of becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable
One important leadership trait is to be able to perform when things are uncertain or don’t match our preferences and be flexible and adaptable. When I suggest becoming comfortable with discomfort, I mean stop clinging to the need for predictability, certainty, and rigidity. It’s about letting go of rules (made up in your mind) that everything in life should unfold exactly the way you want.
But it’s never an invitation to look away when there is a problem you are responsible for fixing, or permission to make excuses when you are not doing your best. Some people avoid difficult conversations at all costs, but that’s not acceptable if they are in a position of leadership. Others are terrible at follow-through, or don’t know how to set a vision of success, so they reduce their jobs to being a bureaucrat and not a leader. They have become comfortable with underperforming and that should not be tolerated.
Why is this happening?
Consciously or not, human beings tend to do a cost-benefit analysis before they act. It’s often a deeply ingrained pattern of avoiding what they fear or avoiding experiencing loss. It’s almost never rational but their minds are wired to keep them safe, so they tend to stay stuck in the same loops over and over again – until they find the courage to free themselves from their “autopilot” and lead with courage and intention.
One of Jim Rohn’s most popular quotes is: “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.” Too many higher ed. administrators choose disappointment, then lower than expectations and standards, and later they find themselves counting how many more years to endure before they can finally retire. That is so sad! Choosing self-discipline means choosing to become self-aware, having the courage to look at what is uncomfortable, and deciding to grow. Fears are powerful when we believe we have to protect ourselves and run away from what we fear. But if we stop running and look at our fears, we realize they are not that big, and we can face them.
What is causing YOU discomfort?
Let’s be honest, what do you dislike about your job? Feeling like you are never caught up and always overwhelmed? Having to deal with under-performing employees? Avoiding difficult conversations with peers or your supervisor? Being frustrated by outdated policies, procedures, or technology?
Higher ed. leaders often reach out to me on social media, tell me about their situation and ask “Should I stay or should I leave?” but that’s the wrong question to ask. Whatever you are avoiding will still be problematic for you at a different college or university. You cannot run away from your discomfort, triggers, or feelings or powerlessness or inadequacy. You have to work on yourself! And once you free yourself from what has been causing you discomfort or even suffering, your job won’t be daunting anymore. At that point, you can look at other opportunities and pursue those you find exciting, without any sense of desperation because you feel the urge to run away.
Work with me!
If you have read this far, it means this blog resonated with you and you need something to change. The truth is that nothing will change until you change, and the fastest and most effective way to grow is with an executive coach. Imagine having someone on your side, who has your back, and is highly trained and experienced to help leaders like you free themselves from their discomfort and have the courage to face all aspects of their jobs with ease? Using money as a reason to avoid working with a coach is no longer an excuse because so many colleges and universities pay for coaching now. If you think “I’d love to, but I don’t have any spare time” then you definitely need to start now because something is wrong if you can’t find one hour per week to completely transform your career and your life.
It seems that people who need coaching the most are the least likely to sign up, because they are too insecure to welcome insights and accountability. But that’s not you, is it? Are you an avoidant or a servant leader with courage and integrity? If you’re ready to grow, I invite you to click here to schedule a complimentary call with me, to discuss what discomfort you’re facing and how I can help you free yourself from it. I look forward to speaking with you soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.