Empowering meaning: Growth
Yesterday, I saw a man wearing a shirt with this quote “Pain is weakness leaving the body”. Based on his fitness and haircut, I thought he might be a Marine. That quote is such an empowering one when it comes to pushing our bodies to become stronger, and to having more self-discipline. It got me thinking about my own life, and my clients’ desire to avoid pain and discomfort at work. Have we forgotten that pain can be an indication of progress? When we can attach a positive meaning to pain, or discomfort, or anything that was originally unwanted, we immediately start to feel better. That’s because we stop wasting so much energy arguing with reality and having unhelpful thoughts like “this shouldn’t be happening”.
Disempowering meaning: Stagnation and Powerlessness
In higher education leadership, you will not hear “Pain is weakness leaving the body” but you will often hear “I am so busy, I can barely keep my head above water”. Does that sound familiar? The kind of pain that most administrators endure is more often linked to stagnation than progress. It’s having the same pain, year after year, with no sign of relief, that makes it impossible to see pain as a good thing. What I find interesting is that the same people who feel stuck now were far more resilient at the beginning of their careers. They knew they had a lot to learn, they had to prove themselves, and their ambition kept them strong in the face of adversity. But somehow, after achieving some level of success, they forgot the necessity of continuous growth and got too busy, just getting through each day. Pain has become nothing but pain, unhelpful, and unwanted.
What is causing you pain?
When prospective clients reach out to me, the most common issues are feeling overworked and overwhelmed, being challenged by internal politics or other dysfunction, dealing with under-performing employees, resolving or preventing conflict, gaining more self-confidence, improving communication and influence, or seeking assistance in their job search.
On day one, I am sure that if I could offer them a magic wand to make their problems disappear, they would be thrilled. But wanting circumstances or other people to change, while choosing not to stretch and grow, means remaining passive and vulnerable to every perceived threat. It’s exhausting!
What is causing you pain or frustration at work? If you think you have too much to do, it’s an opportunity to clarify priorities and optimize your strategies and how you spend your time. You might discover you need to learn how to say no, how to delegate, how to let go of your obsession with perfection, or how to overcome procrastination, etc. Listen closely. There is a powerful message.
If it’s self-doubt that is holding you back, please realize that it’s an exceptional opportunity to free yourself from your inner-critic, to become a better leader, and a more inspiring role model for everyone who knows you (critically important if you have kids).
Over time, unknowingly, you may have developed learned helplessness. When we don’t see progress or transformation, we tend to default to resignation. But what if for a moment you broke free from higher ed’s culture and started to think like a Marine? Obviously, I am not suggesting that higher ed. should be like the military. But it would be good to shift mindset for a moment, to see things with a different perspective.
Find the courage to start fresh
Most of my clients are C-level but I also work with universities on talent development and succession planning, which gives me the opportunity to coach future leaders who show potential. Both types of coaching are incredibly rewarding. I enjoy the complexity of the problems C-level clients need to solve, and I appreciate how open to learning younger leaders tend to be. Some seasoned leaders have difficulty unlearning before they can learn something new. Sadly, the habits they have developed over the years have become part of their identity, and they created perceived limitations.
Note that I wrote “perceived” because it feels real to them but it’s actually highly subjective. My observation is that once leaders have accomplished something significant, it’s very uncomfortable for them to adopt the mindset of a beginner and be willing to try something completely new, and risk being “temporarily incompetent at something new”. Do you see the irony of working in higher education, yet placing a limit on how much you can learn?
What’s your next chapter?
If you are reading this, chances are you are exceptionally good at what you do now. To put it in educational terms, you have a Ph.D.-level proficiency in what you do. But… you experience pain, discomfort, frustration, stress, or anxiety at work. That is a clear indication that you need to change. Doing more of the same won’t help. The pain of changing mindset and habits is less uncomfortable than the pain of feeling stuck or having regrets, or even shame.
I invite you to challenge yourself to learn something new, or do something different, or challenge your assumptions or even some long-held beliefs, in order to be free to grow. Your discomfort is telling you something needs to change. Will you act on it? Maybe it’s transforming your leadership style, or changing your mindset and self-talk, or changing how you interact with others (e.g., creating healthy boundaries). To gain clarity on your new goals, find the courage to change, and access strategies, structure, support and accountability to succeed, please click here to schedule a call with me to discuss how we can work together. It’s time. You deserve to be free from what’s holding you back. I look forward to speaking with you soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, confidence, executive presence, effectiveness reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.