Forget poor (but common) advice
There is no do-over when it comes to making a good first impression. Some people over-think it, which causes them to be nervous and appear to lack self-confidence. Others follow cookie-cutter approaches such as “ask about their family” which is terrible advice because not everyone likes to talk about their family, especially in the workplace when they meet someone for the first time. Other people try too hard to impress and give far too much information about their accomplishments or current projects, which can be overwhelming and is definitely not effective at building rapport. Here are a few pointers to help you when you meet someone for the first time, whether it is a new employee, a new supervisor, or anyone else who will become a business associate in one way or another.
Take a minute to ground yourself
Do I even need to mention it? First of all, remember to consider the people involved and the circumstances of the meeting. Know what you are here to accomplish, be professional, be appropriate, and read the room. Ask yourself what the situation requires of you and how you need to show up.
Managers tend to underestimate the effect that their emotions, mood, and energy have on others around them. Before you walk into a new meeting, always take a second (or a minute or longer if needed) to let go of any negative feelings you may be experiencing as a result of your previous meeting or activity (e.g., frustration, tension, need to rush, etc.).
You can use mindset (e.g., self-talk, focus on positive things, appreciation, imagining desired outcomes, etc.) or somatic approaches (e.g., using your breath more intentionally, talking a short walk, shaking off the tension in your body, or feeling grounded, etc.) to feel calm and refreshed.
Your capacity to be fully present (meaning unencumbered by negative thoughts, feelings, or preoccupations about other issues) when you meet with someone is at the core of being able to make a good first impression. And I encourage you to keep this in mind every time you meet with anyone, especially in the workplace, even if the person is not new to you.
Focus your attention on them, not on yourself
If you let your fears and insecurities drive what you say and do, you are not likely to make an excellent first impression. Ask yourself “What am I here to accomplish?” and if your answer resembles “I want them to like me.” please consider changing it to “I want to build rapport and make that person feel seen, heard, and genuinely understood”.
One common mistake is to talk too much and not listen enough. Make sure to listen actively to what the other person is saying, and ask clarifying questions to improve your understanding. You want to demonstrate that you are fully present with them, and not change the subject or make everything about you. In most cases, you will have numerous opportunities to speak about yourself later, so don’t dominate and seek to learn as much as you can. What are this person’s goals, needs, and challenges? Do they speak primarily about what they want to see happen or what they are trying to avoid? The more you learn about how their mind works, the better you will be able to build rapport.
Match and mirror
Can you think of someone who made you feel uncomfortable almost as soon as you met? And can you think of someone who made you feel at ease almost instantly? Please remember that we tend to feel more comfortable around people who have similar energy levels, tone of voice, body language, and speed with which they think and talk.
For example, if you are a visual person who thinks and talks very fast, when you meet someone who is more kinesthetic and takes longer to process information and articulate their thoughts, you may be tempted to speed even more, hoping they will speak faster too, but you will inadvertently create a barrier between the two of you. The best approach is to slow down, match and mirror their style as much as you can and make them more comfortable. Pay attention to words they use repeatedly and use these same words. When you agree with them, say it! Highlight similarities and shared goals/values/intentions.
Please understand that emphasizing what you have in common is not about having the same gender, age, or ethnicity, but about your ability to show sensitivity, understand, and communicate effectively. And doing it successfully requires self-mastery and emotional intelligence.
Going from good to great
Excellent leaders often think they have no difficulty making a good first impression or building rapport with coworkers and business partners, and they are often correct. Many have good people skills naturally and have learned effective communication techniques. However, they tend to develop their own style over time and forget the importance of having an individualized approach with different people who have very diverse needs and styles.
If you are interested in developing a higher level of skills to go from good to great, not only to build rapport but to foster honesty, engagement, collaboration and loyalty, the fastest and most effective strategy is to work with an executive coach. I invite you to click here to schedule a complimentary call with me and discuss how we can work one-on-one to improve your communication, influence, charisma, executive presence, confidence and effectiveness. You may also consider providing executive coaching sessions for some of your direct reports and/or training on zoom for your team. Contact me and we will discuss the best solutions to address your workplace challenges and opportunities. I look forward to speaking with you soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.