The Flip Side to Your Greatest Asset
My clients often attribute their success in higher ed leadership to their ability to think things through and to be strategic. You need intelligence and a sharp mind to create a vision, a strategy, build a team, perform at a high level, prevent foreseeable problems and so on. But the problem is that when we are deep thinkers, not all thoughts are beneficial.
I very rarely meet higher ed. executives who “go with the flow”, “chill”, or say “I am not concerned, things always work out one way or another”. In my professional experience, most are highly analytical, even when it would be in their best interest to let small things go and focus their energy on more valuable ideas or goals.
Do you ever struggle to let go of something that happened in the past, or something you said and regretted, or something that someone else said? Do you feel anxious trying to guess why someone did or said something you didn’t like? Do you question or doubt yourself? Do you have a persistent and nagging feeling that you should do more or do better? Do you worry about the future and feel bad about things that haven’t even happened? If you said yes to any of these prompts, let me reassure you, you are not alone. Here are 5 strategies to use your mind intentionally instead of letting your mind control you and create stress.
1. Self-Awareness
The first step is to observe what your mind does, just like you would listen to someone else speak, and identity habits that cause you unnecessary stress. You may realize that you often worry about the worst thing that could happen in the future, or that you are highly self-critical, or that you spent too much time thinking about the past. Once you become aware, you can decide to, for example, focus on what you want rather than what you fear, develop some compassion for yourself, or stop dwelling on the things that already happened and can’t be changed.
2. Think of Yourself Less Often
If you catch yourself worrying about what people think of you or wondering what they may be saying behind your back or analyzing your every word or action questioning if that was good enough, or beating yourself up when you think you embarrassed yourself, stop it!!! Trying to find reassurance for every single insecurity will take an entire lifetime. Instead, focus on the work you’re here to do, on service, on people, and channel all your energy into pondering “How can I serve at the highest level possible?” and make it about your contributions, not your person. Please realize that people who act as if they felt insecure or inferior are just as self-absorbed as those who feel superior. They may be humble, but they are focusing excessively on themselves. Both need to redirect their attention on their work and purpose rather than the self.
3. Stop Making Assumptions
When you get triggered by something someone does or say, do you try to guess why they did what they did? Do you tend to take things personally? I promise you, the majority of the time, people’s behavior has nothing to do with you and it’s simply a refection of who they are. If someone declines your invitation to serve on a committee, it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you or don’t trust you or don’t respect you. It’s probably because they are busy and have to focus on their top priorities.
If you try to be friendly with someone but they don’t take the time to do small talk with you, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Maybe they are busy, or preoccupied, or maybe they simply don’t like small talk. I invite you to stop creating a narrative in your head and let little things go. But if you can’t get there, a positive step forward would be to imagine as many fictional stories as you can, preferably stories that are not about you, to help you realize that people have countless reasons to do what they do. If you create many narratives, you will confuse yourself and that’s a good thing because you will no longer feel the pain of thinking you’ve been victimized. You simply won’t know what to think, so you’ll move on.
4. Don’t Be a Victim of Your Circumstances
I can’t deny that the world seems crazier than ever, and life seems out of control. And it’s not just your campus; it’s the entire world, literally! If you watch the news, focus on all the tragedies happening around the globe, worry about the US economy, get anxious about rapid changes in higher ed., and lose sleep over declining enrollment, you’ll feel paralyzed. Fear turns on our fight/flight/freeze/fawn response and reduces our ability to think straight and come up with creative ideas. Please don’t let yourself be a victim of your circumstances. No matter how bad things get, there is (almost) always something you can do. When you hear news that what you were planning to do will be more difficult than anticipated, or no longer possible, don’t give up, trust you’ll find an alternative. Turn every “We can’t… because…” into “Let’s brainstorm how we can… despite….” Don’t wait for things to get easier. Work on your mindset, resilience, and resourcefulness. Reach out to me if you’d like my help with one-on-one coaching or training for your team.
5. Think of The Unknown As an Opportunity
It’s natural to prefer predictability and certainty because they allow us to feel safe, make logical decisions, and know what to expect but we live in a highly unpredictable world. Please remember that when nothing is for sure, anything is possible, and in many cases, you’ll have an opportunity to shape what will happen. Higher ed. used to be a very slow-moving, resistant to change environment, but it has evolved (to some extent) since covid. It’s time to act as a transformational leader, innovate, be flexible, and challenge yourself to step out of your comfort.
If your overactive mind is creating too much stress, I invite you to schedule a call with me and discuss how we can work together on mindset, outlook, goals, strategies, and professional growth to make you feel empowered and have renewed enthusiasm for your work and service to your institution.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.
