How do you describe your work environment?
There are facts. And then there is the meaning we attach to facts. Each person processes information and creates a narrative, unaware that the narrative can lead to empowerment or helplessness, creativity or freeze, more energy or apathy, and so on. Do you ever observe yourself thinking or saying any of the following statements/narratives?
I have more work than any individual could ever accomplish.
I can barely keep my head above water.
I am buried under paperwork and projects.
People need too much from me and take too much of my time.
My boss (or the leadership team) is impossible to please.
I don’t think my job is safe.
Things change so fast that I am getting whiplash from all the pivoting.
I have some bad apples on my team, and they are driving me insane.
I can’t trust anyone and if I want something done right, I must do it myself.
I put out fires all day, then finally get some work done after 5 pm when people leave.
No matter how hard I work, I can never get caught up.
When I start each day, I don’t know what is going to go wrong, but I know something will!
Strategic planning and innovation? I don’t have time for that! I am just trying to make it through each day.
Higher ed. is under attack and the only way to be okay is to get a job in another industry.
I am counting the days until I can finally retire.
Sounds bleak, doesn’t it? Sorry for starting this blog with such discouraging statements but sadly, they are extremely common. This is what happens when leaders allow themselves to be controlled by external circumstances instead of preserving their own agency and strengths. For many, it seems inevitable, but it is not. Here is how to stay in control of how you respond to triggers.
1. Keep yourself strong and calm, proactively
You must find a daily practice that will allow you to see things clearly, not get pulled into unnecessary drama, or risk letting someone create chaos and urgency in your life. It can be anything such as meditation, exercise, somatics, breathwork, journaling, gratitude, eye movements, being in nature, mindfulness, time away from electronics or any dopamine inducing activities, etc.
Sadly, leaders who desperately need to take a break from working/overthinking/catastrophizing are the least likely to do it, because the sense of overwhelm and urgency keeps them stuck in a loop. Saying you don’t have time to learn to stay calm amid chaos, would be like having bad breath but refusing to take time to brush your teeth. The energy you bring into every meeting and every conversation will impact outcomes, so get yourself ready for poise, calm, and good judgment.
2. Be mindful of your “I am” statements
The mind always seeks congruency, so once you tell yourself who you are (and who you think you’re not) your subconscious will lead you to act accordingly. For example, if you say “I am stuck” your mind will notice evidence that you are indeed not moving forward, instead of using your creativity to find solutions. That will keep you stagnant!
Most coaches would tell you to affirm what you want, and do it (e.g., “I am resourceful and always see opportunities at every corner”). If you can do it, that’s fantastic! But it’s usually not that easy. I recommend you start by differentiating behaviors or habits from your identity. Behaviors and habits can be changed.
The things you do don’t define who you are. Many habits are coping mechanisms we developed in childhood or adulthood. What was once adaptive has become maladaptive. Letting go of who you think you are, is terrifying and extremely difficult. However, letting go of “a thing you used to do, but choose not to do anymore” is much more manageable.
3. Filter the information coming at you
I am sure you’ve heard “practice the pause” but are you practicing it? When you find yourself triggered, don’t take the bait! Take a moment to ask yourself some of the questions below, whichever are relevant to your situation:
What is my perception/narrative of the situation, and can I change it? (e.g., you may be taking personally something that has nothing to do with you).
Is that person’s emergency an emergency for me too or is it not a priority for me? Don’t let people hijack your day.
What is most important here, being right or being kind? Do I really need to correct that person or can I let this go because it’s inconsequential?
Is my reaction disproportionate? Is it bringing up other unprocessed past events, and causing me to over-react? How can I put this in perspective?
Is this bringing me closer to my goals or taking me further away from them?
Can I delegate this? Is there someone else better positioned to handle this?
Is this a pattern that can be stopped by communicating more clearly or creating a process or policy for this issue?
In what ways have I contributed to this issue (e.g., enabled it, or avoided addressing it sooner?) and how can I regain influence instead of feeling victimized?
I know, I know, asking you to become self-aware of so many things may seem impossible but you don’t have to be perfect 100% of the time. I suggest you start with something small, practice every day until it becomes second nature, then add something else. If you revert to old habits, don’t be too hard on yourself. The mind always wants to return to what is familiar because it thinks the unknown is dangerous, but it is not dangerous. Only different. If you are serious about feeling better and being a manager who leads by example and demonstrates poise, calm, confidence, and charisma, I invite you to click here to schedule a time to discuss how we can work together. Having support, structure, and accountability, from a highly trained and experienced coach can turn a dreadful endeavor into an exciting and invigorating new beginning. Let’s talk soon!
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, confidence, executive presence, effectiveness, reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.