Are you ok?
For decades, we’ve been talking about work-life balance and self-care, but it was mostly connected to time allocation. Some people thought that self-care meant bubble baths, wine, and Netfix, as ways to relax and forget about work. But that’s just numbing discomfort, not addressing the root cause.
Nowadays, we are seeing more mental health issues, anxiety, fear, insomnia, heart palpitations, attention deficit, etc. than ever before, and wine is most definitely not the cure. I’ve been a coach in higher ed. leadership for over a decade. When I first started my training, we worked primarily on thoughts, mindset, and behaviors. Some of my teachers also explained the importance of physiology but back then, we didn’t talk much about the nervous system.
I see higher ed. leaders who read countless books and listen to many podcasts on leadership but aren’t able to implement what they learn. Why? Because acquiring theoretical knowledge is not the same as practicing it. If someone is feeling unwell emotionally, they will often know what they “should do” but not be able to do it.
Victim of circumstances
When we don’t proactively seek to have a clear mind and a healthy body, we risk over-thinking and creating more stress when we are under pressure. That tension can stay trapped in the body. Those who live a sedentary lifestyle don’t have a way to release all the cortisol and adrenaline the body produces and will be tempted to numb their uncomfortable feelings. Over time, the nervous system gets dysregulated (and even more so when there is unhealed trauma). That is why some people get triggered easily and become victims of their circumstances. They lose trust in their ability to handle adversity and live in fear.
Trust me, I am not judging. I’ve been there too. Since I don’t have a family and am self-employed, I can live anywhere. Since covid, I have been moving around to find a place that feels like home. On my journey, I rented a house that turned out to have a whole variety of toxic molds. I got very sick, and my body understood the problem before my mind figured out what was causing the myriad of symptoms, and developed a habit of breathing shallow. Don’t worry, I moved out and I am safe now, but I have to re-train my body to feel safe inhaling. Isn’t that wild???
Shallow breathing induces anxiety. We know that for the parasympathetic nervous system (AKA rest and digest) to kick in, we need to have a longer exhale than inhale. There are countless modalities that use breath to calm the body, but as long as your exhale is longer, your body will be able to relax. You can try singing or humming too. How often during the workday do we pause to connect with our body and our breath to make sure we are keeping ourselves healthy? Not often enough, if ever.
Regulating your nervous system
If your nervous system is not functioning well, your efforts to be a fantastic leader may not be effective, especially if you are not sleeping well at night or if you are not grounded and relaxed. People on social media often ask me to recommend leadership books or techniques but they would be pointless if the person doesn’t have the ability to implement what they learn.
Here are some indications that your nervous system may need a reset: you are easily triggered, you take things personally, you don’t feel safe even when there are no genuine threats to your survival, you are chronically tired, you have digestive issues and don’t sleep well. Obviously, these issues can have other causes, but if you are experiencing any of them, feeling better should be your priority. And no, I am sorry, that doesn’t mean more Netflix and wine!
You don’t have to go to therapy for years to feel better. You can develop daily practices to journal, meditate, connect with your body, do yoga, do somatic exercises, go out in nature, slow down your thoughts, detox from dopamine addiction, put away your phone and spend time without any electronics. There are countless ways to feel better. The first step is to commit to breaking unhealthy habits and accept some temporary discomfort in order to reset your nervous system and free yourself from all the problems that keep getting bigger.
Look around and observe
Do you have employees who do not improve despite all your efforts to help them grow? It’s possible that they don’t have the capacity to break free from old habits because of a narrative that repeats itself on a loop in their mind. Or perhaps their nervous system is stuck in fight/flight/freeze/fawn.
Do you have a supervisor who doesn’t listen, or who has exaggerated reactions to situations? They may have the same problems. Pay attention and you will see that many of us are not feeling well and unless we address the root cause, no amount of HR intervention and mediation will be effective.
We have normalized not sleeping well, feeling worried and anxious all the time, not being able to focus, and many other issues as if they were in our DNA. Most of the suffering was caused by maladaptive coping systems. Let’s change that!
To be clear, I am not a physician or therapist. But I have been an executive coach for a long time and have helped leaders with anxiety change their thoughts and calm their bodies; administrators with self-diagnosed attention deficit change their habits (through skillful inquiry and behavioral change) and learn to focus. We have to question whether all the labels we use today because of pop psychology are valid and helpful, or if we are choosing powerlessness as a way to avoid taking responsibility.
I don’t know about you, but personally, the idea of being a puppet, controlled by a smart phone, dopamine addiction, or being victimized by someone whose behavior is reprehensible, is revolting! Please choose to stop being controlled by people or things. You are stronger than you know. You can free yourself from what has kept you small or exhausted in the past and have a fresh start. I love the quote “The come back is stronger than the setback.”
If you need therapy, please reach out to a therapist. But if you simply want to reclaim your personal power as a leader in higher education, become a better version of yourself, inspire others, and raise standards in your department, I invite you to click here to schedule a complimentary call and discuss how we can work together.
Life is challenging. Resilience is essential. The more we face our fears and commit to change, the more capable and bullet-proof we become. Let’s talk soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, confidence, executive presence, effectiveness reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.