Having high standards and expectations
Last week I wrote “The Five Main Reasons Why You Are Too Hard on Yourself and How to Stop” because most higher ed. leaders are creating far too much self-imposed pressure, in addition to the pressure created by their job responsibilities. There are many reasons for having a compulsion to push yourself too much (I covered that in last week’s post) but in my observation, the most pervasive is the belief that being hard on yourself and pushing yourself will create more value and better outcomes. But… is it really true?
Effects on you and others
Research has shown time and time again that to perform at their highest level, people need to feel safe and supported in their work environment (fear reduces our cognitive abilities), take breaks, get enough rest, and prioritize wellness. Yet, when higher ed. leaders are extremely busy, self-care habits are often abandoned. As a result, leaders are more stressed and anxious, they become more reactive (instead of intentional and strategic), they are more likely to make mistakes and to snap at people when they are frustrated. Their behavior no longer reflects their emotional intelligence. They lose the capacity to be their best.
Does it set a good example for others? No. By pushing themselves too much, leaders implicitly give the message to their team members that the same is expected of everyone. It creates a stressful work environment. Employees are affected by their supervisor’s energy, tone of voice, pressure, etc. even if their supervisor tells them to practice self-care. Employees also become more hesitant to ask questions either because they don’t want to add to their supervisor’s burden, or they are afraid to receive some level of hostility. Lack of communication not only hurts morale, but it leads to wasted efforts and mistakes when expectations are not clear.
Fear of becoming complacent?
I have been coaching higher ed. leaders for many years and can assure you that those who are afraid of relaxing a bit, and becoming complacent will never become complacent. Their high work ethics and dedication are part of the core of their beings. That will not be compromised by a mild attempt to bring more balance into their lives. Traumatic life events, or a mental breakdown, or perhaps the use of certain drugs, or some sort of deep spiritual awakening could change their identity I suppose, but not opening their mind to the possibility of being less hard on themselves. So don’t worry, I promise you you’re safe!
Interestingly, when leaders feel very strongly that they don’t want to become [fill in the blank] they put so much energy into proving to themselves and the rest of the world that they aren’t that, that it’s already obvious to everyone and no further effort is needed. So, if you’re obsessed with proving you’re not lazy, chances are nobody is concerned about the possibility of you being lazy. If you asked for constructive feedback, you would uncover blind spots and realize you’ve been focusing on the wrong things.
Put energy into your vision of success
Leaders are more likely to be hard on themselves and push themselves excessively when they give too much attention to their fears about what could go wrong. Anyone whose mind is driven by fear and a desire to prevent anything uncomfortable will sooner or later feel stuck in survival mode. It’s essential for leaders to learn to become comfortable with discomfort. What I mean is to accept the fact that you can’t control everything, and unwanted things happen. That is life. So please be proactive and strategic but don’t become obsessive.
Once you accept that not everything is under your control and that’s ok, you can focus on your responsibilities and stop worrying about the rest. The key is also to put your attention on your vision of success. What do you want to see happen? What will it take to make it happen? Let your thoughts and actions be driven by an exciting vision of the future. What do you want to accomplish with your department? What type of culture and value system do you want to foster? How engaged and motivated would you like your team members to be?
To break old habits, improve both your work performance and your wellbeing, I invite you to click here to schedule a call with me to discuss how we can work together. I will help you free yourself from old patterns that are no longer serving you, and step into a higher level of leadership.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.