Communication problems
Have you experienced more communication problems this year? Most people have, since working remotely has exacerbated patterns and difficulties. Clients tell me that leaders who are notoriously hard to reach have become even less accessible. And on the other end of the spectrum, some who are very social and like to talk a lot have become too needy.
On campus, people had unspoken rules about what was or wasn’t appropriate and while people’s need to talk varied greatly, it seemed to be more reasonable. Then came a pandemic, a quarantine, and months of isolation, and now people act as if there were no rules anymore.
Complaints range from administrators saying they can’t get important questions answered by their supervisors or coworkers which is hurting their ability to do their job, to others being frustrated and even angry at how much of their time is taken by people who like to talk a lot unnecessarily.
Some people love efficiency
Some people are naturally wired to seek efficiency and productivity. Their job satisfaction increases when they can improve results, streamline processes, and make the best use of every moment. It makes them feel empowered and valuable. It is very important to them to have self-discipline, to deliver on every promise, and to stay in control of their day. Wasting any resources, whether it’s time or money is very painful to them.
When something that could have been a short email or a 5-minute phone call turns into an hour-long zoom meeting, their blood pressure rises! If something was supposed to cost 5 minutes ended up costing 60 minutes, they will do everything they can to avoid being in this situation ever again. They will avoid whoever took so much from them without their consent, for fear that it will happen again.
If you are someone who likes to be social, talk a lot and connect, you may not be able to understand how something that gives you so much joy can be excruciating to someone else. Well, it’s like being kidnapped and not being able to escape or even speak up because that would be considered rude. As an analogy, imagine if you went to get a cup of coffee, expecting to pay $5 and you were charged $60. How would you feel? Would you ever return to that coffee shop? Of course not. And imagine if you were on a tight budget, seeking the best price for everything you purchase and needed the extra $55 to pay for something critical, and now you could no longer afford it? How would you feel about someone else deciding where your precious and scarce dollars went?
Time is the same thing. When we take too much time from someone who is productive and efficient, we are stealing hours they were planning to spend on something that is critically important to them, such as time with their loved ones, self-care, or even sleep. Please understand that before you push people’s boundaries. Or if you choose to be selfish, don’t be surprised when they avoid you like the plague.
Some people love connecting
Other people derive more meaning and fulfillment from connecting with others than creating measurable results every moment of every day. The quality of their professional relationships is what creates their job satisfaction. They tend to freely disclose personal information, enjoy talking about their upcoming vacation, or what they did last weekend, or share what is happening in their family. That’s how they bond and give and receive warmth. They like to know people at a personal level and don’t enjoy coworkers who prefer to compartmentalize and focus on work.
When they are forced to be concise and other people’s responses are very brief, all the joy is taken away. They feel like people working on an assembly machine during the industrial revolution. They can’t feel connected and suffer from not having opportunities to vent with others or be of service to others who need some help. Their motivation and engagement will drop.
They believe that spending a significant amount of time talking about non-work-related subjects, or taking copious time talking about work processes is necessary for people to feel engaged, motivated, and part of something significant. Reducing human interaction feels like being deprived of air. It’s very serious! Often, they also dislike working independently and will feel the need to brainstorm details that they have the expertise and authority to handle alone. What they consider necessary is very different than what people in the other category believe is necessary!
What to do about it
I described two extremes because it seems that people who fit in one category have no idea what it’s like to be in the other. To make matters worse, they often get self-righteous, thinking their way is the best way, and whoever doesn’t agree is wrong. The truth is the best place to be is in the middle. Ideally, leaders would be highly focused on productivity and results (rather than processes and endless conversations that create no value) while fostering motivation and engagement by giving people what they need to be fulfilled in their work. Leading means giving individualized attention, being sensitive to other people’s needs, and helping people succeed.
So, what can you do about it?
First, read this article as many times as you need to really understand how other people feel.
Second, stop being self-righteous and criticizing people for being different than you.
Third, start paying attention to other people’s needs and preferences, be flexible, and try to meet in the middle.
Fourth, foster a culture where people feel safe speaking up about what is bothering them, and what they need to feel engaged and improve their work performance.
Fifth, make sure that expectations have been clearly communicated and people are kept accountable. A personal work-style is no excuse for being cold and rude with people, or for socializing too much and missing deadline or adding unnecessary work by discussing every detail.
If you would like to change your work habits to have a more balanced approach or if you would like to learn how to build excellent relationships with people who are not like you, I invite you to click here to schedule a complimentary call with me. We’ll discuss how I can help you collaborate with others, reduce frustration, increase job satisfaction, and get your meets met without wasting any precious time. Let’s talk soon.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.