Not everything deserves your attention
If you are reading my blogs, chances are, you are a successful higher ed. leader, and a contributing factor to your success has been strategic thinking and implementation. Your mind is trained to optimize things, anticipate problems, and deliver excellence. However, that incredible ability to be several steps ahead of everyone else comes with a negative side: excessive worrying and a desire to control how things unfold. You are very attached to your vision of success. It doesn’t come from ego, but from a genuine desire to make the best out of each situation. We don’t see it as something that needs to be changed. But if you care too much about too many things, you are likely to be tired, stressed, and often disappointed. Perhaps even scattered.
Your next level of leadership will require you to discern what is worth your time and attention, and what isn’t. Stepping back from things that appear important or getting out of the weeds when you enjoy being very hands-on, requires clarity, wisdom and maturity. The hardest part is to stop acting on auto-pilot and break the habits of burdening yourself with concerns that aren’t yours.
We keep forgetting to let go
I recently heard Mel Robbins on a podcast saying that her book “The Let Them Theory” had sold over 8 million copies and many people bought it as Christmas gifts for loved ones. I was surprised because I didn’t realize how badly such a simple but powerful message was needed. In her book, she reminds people to let others be who they are, do what they do, and to refocus their attention on themselves. The next step is the “let me” part, which calls for self-empowerment and personal responsibility. That’s life coaching 101. Note: I am not promoting the book. It is helpful to some because of its extreme simplicity but painfully boring to those who are more advanced.
That reminded me of an all-time best seller “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***” by Mark Manson, which sold well over 20 million copies and is still trending almost a decade after its release.
I’m sitting here in my office, with at least one shelf full of books teaching the same concept, which is to learn to let go of the things we can’t control and stop resisting life’s unfolding. “Letting Go”, “What’s in the Way Is the Way”, “The Untethered Soul”, “Living Untethered”, “Peace is Every Step”, “The Surrender Experiment”, “Loving What Is”, “Whatever Arises, Love That”, “Already Free” and the list goes on and on. Each author is unique and attracts different kinds of readers. I had forgotten that people who aren’t passionate about spirituality, philosophy, stoicism, Buddhism, psychology, or self-improvement would be so moved by such a simple statement “Let Them”.
When to let go and let them
The difficulty in higher ed. leadership is that anything that anyone does (or doesn’t do) in your department reflects on you. It’s happening (or not happening) under your watch. In a perfect world, all your employees would be highly engaged and extremely competent, and their workload would be adequate, ensuring they have enough time to make sure everything is going well. But that’s not the reality. Almost everyone is overworked, morale is often low, some positions are vacant, and some under-performing employees are unionized and difficult to influence or fire. It is not possible for you to control everything. Let go of the wish that you could, because you can’t.
That is why it is so critical for you to identify priorities and metrics to keep an eye on and be willing to let go of the rest. It’s human nature to focus on what is most irritating and hard to accept, instead of focusing on high-stake initiatives and efforts with the highest ROI. Please take a moment to write your definition of success, for your job as well as your department. And focus on that! Also, notice the time you spend on minor issues and make a commitment to redirect that time to more worthy projects.
Is it a necessity or a preference?
Next, please look at what you are resisting, what is causing you grief, and what you have been fighting unsuccessfully for a long time. Reflect on what you’re trying to change and ask yourself if it is indeed a necessity, or a personal preference. Obviously, performance indicators as well as anything that falls under professionalism and leading by example should be prioritized. But can you see any personal preferences that are not essential to work performance, but still rubbing you the wrong way? Maybe you don’t like the way someone outside your department plays politics, or how someone takes credit for other people’s work, or how someone spends too much time socializing, or not enough time acting like a team player.
When something bothers you but is inconsequential in terms of your own job performance, it may be an opportunity to drop your judgment and let go of your personal preferences. You can’t expect everyone (or even anyone) to think exactly the same way you do, make decisions the way you do, speak like you do, etc. For your own wellness and to reduce unnecessary stress, let them be who they are (as long as correcting their behavior is not one of your job responsibilities).
It’s time to reduce pressure
Isn’t it funny how at the beginning of a new year, many of us say some version of “last year was challenging/terrible, but this year will be better!” but it isn’t. If anything, it seems life keeps getting more complicated and people suffer from stress and anxiety far more than they did twenty years ago. And that’s because we keep doing more of the same, under worsening circumstances!
Instead of working harder, adding pressure, setting more new year’s resolutions, and making your job all-consuming, how about choosing a more gentle approach to 2026? How about trying softer? How about choosing your battles with strong discernment and finding more peace and acceptance with the rest? How about valuing self-compassion and empathy more than we did traditionally?
Think about it. You are under external pressure and that’s undeniable. Let’s reduce self-inflicted pressure, set more realistic goals, and pause to give yourself credit for the progress made instead of feeling crushed by the weight of what still remains to be done.
You deserve a sounding-board, someone who wants to see you succeed but not at the expense of your health and quality of like. Imagine having a trusted coach who creates a safe space for you to say what you can’t say to anyone else and helps you navigate the challenges of higher ed. leadership with grace and poise. This is what I would love to offer you this year. As you probably know, I do not accept clients who are under-performing and need an intervention. I only work with high achievers and this year, more than ever, it is my mission to empower top performers to find peace in the middle of chaos and earn wisdom beyond their years. If you would like to discuss working together, please click this link to schedule a complimentary call with me. I look forward to meeting you.
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, confidence, executive presence, effectiveness, reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.